When Rules Become Everything

The Trap We Keep Falling Into

It’s so easy to make faith about the how. The rules. The expectations. The clear-cut boundaries of right and wrong.

The Pharisees did this brilliantly. They had rule-keeping down to an art. But in their obsession with the how, they lost sight of the why—and more importantly, the who. They knew the law inside out, yet when the very person the law pointed to was standing in front of them, they completely missed Him.

Jesus wasn’t impressed. After the Pharisees had heard Jesus’ disciples were picking grain on the Sabbath, they cane with criticism. His response was blunt:

“The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” (Mark 2:27, ESV)

Translation? The rules were never meant to be the foundation of faith. They were meant to serve a greater purpose—leading people into deeper relationship with God and each other. But the Pharisees had flipped it. For them, the rules were the point.

And if we’re honest, we do this too.

When Rules Replace Relationship

When faith turns into rule-following, it stops being about transformation and starts being about performance. It’s about looking right, doing the right things, ticking all the right boxes—whether or not our hearts are actually in it. Even if the audience is none but ourselves, religion can become performative, persuading ourselves and others that we have it together.

Jesus had strong words for this kind of religion:

“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others.” (Matthew 23:23, ESV)

The Pharisees so obsessed the details they missed the big picture. They were technically “right” in many ways but completely wrong. Because if your rule-keeping doesn’t lead you to justice, mercy, and faithfulness, you’ve missed the point entirely.

Start with the Who, Not the How

Jesus takes a different approach. Instead of starting with laws, He starts with love. When he was asked what the greatest commandment was, He didn’t quote a list of rules. He pointed to relationship:

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:37–40, ESV)

Everything we do is supposed to flow from this. Love God. Love others. That’s the foundation. That’s where we start. When we truly get that, it stops being about pressure and performance—it becomes the natural response of a heart that’s captivated by Jesus. It’s the overflow of an abundantly lovely relationship.

That’s why Jesus said, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” (John 14:15, ESV). Not “keep my commandments so I’ll love you.” Not “prove yourself first.” Just love Him, and when you do, obedience follows, not as a burden, but as a joy.

Don’t Miss the Point, Don’t Miss Him.

The Pharisees were expert scholars, they knew the Scriptures, but even with God in the flesh in front of them, they missed the point. The very person those Scriptures were pointing to across centuries was there, and Jesus called them out on it:

“You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.” (John 5:39–40, ESV)

They had all the knowledge. They had all the rules. They had the how down to routine and habit. But they didn’t have Him. And without Him, all of it was worthless. Empty noise.

Time to Refocus

Maybe today’s a good moment to pause. To ask ourselves—have we let the what take over? Have we built our faith on rules instead of relationship? Have we been measuring our spiritual life by our behaviour rather than by our love for God and others?

This is what Jesus invites us to:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28–30, ESV)

Not come and get it all right. Not come and follow all the rules perfectly. Just come. That’s where real faith begins—not in rule-keeping, but in relationship with the One who transforms us from the inside out.

The Takeaway

Christianity was never meant to be about checking boxes or following a script, it’s not even really about habit. It’s about loving Jesus so deeply that everything else flows from that love. When we start with relationship, our values shift, and our actions follow.

So here’s the real question: Are you living from rules, or from relationship?